The only thing constant in this world is change.

The only thing constant in this world is change.

Today is a day when I wish I didn’t have to tell the truth. I’ve been writing about being stressed for months upon months now. There was a reason why the waitress told me to smile a few weeks ago…

I’m in the process of getting a divorce… and it’s affecting every facet of my life. Some days I can fake the funk and appropriately smile and nod, but other days it hurts so much that I swear that a 1000lb gorilla is sitting on my chest. 

The details of who, what, where, and why don’t need to be shared publicly, but I felt that it was important that I came out and told the truth about why I have been so stressed. Being married is a part of who I am, and is also a part of my identity as a blogger. Hell, some brands that I work with even ask about my marital status. 

As much as this hurts me… I know that I will eventually have to move on. I have to forgive my husband, forgive myself, and give myself permission to move on with my life. 

The few people that do know what’s going on often question how I am dealing with everything and remaining “poised” in public… one person even asked me if I was happy to be getting a divorce because to their knowledge I haven’t “broken down”. Little do they know, that I have made a conscious effort to keep myself together. Have I closed my office door at work and cried? Yes. Have I sat in the arms of my closet friends and sobbed uncontrollably and asked why this is happening to my marriage? Of course. Sitting in the house and replaying my relationship, the wedding, and envisioning how different my life is now doesn’t make anything better. In fact, that ensures that I will go to work the next morning with puffy eyes and a red nose. 

A few weeks ago I moved from our home in Long Island into an apartment in NYC…

To me, this signaled that it was really happening…once the storm passes over the next few months… I will have a fresh start. I have to stay optimistic. I have to remain excited for my future. Is getting a divorce ideal? Hell no. I believe in God and the sacredness of marriage…but for lack of a better term (+ to preserve the private details) things happen. 

The only thing constant in this world is change. 

I’ve struggled with when I wanted to come out and share this part of my life… but a friend told me that it may be therapeutic for me and for someone who can relate to my story. It’s easy to make everything look perfect when you can hide behind a computer screen. But I am a real person too. My life is far from perfect. I make mistakes. I have failed before… but nobody shares the ugly things on social media. Who would want to follow someone who is depressed, sad, and lost? And lately that’s exactly how I feel.

I’m taking it day by day, sometimes hour by hour. As this chapter of my life comes to a close, I know that I have to stay faithful and believe that something great is in store for me. I don’t know what or when it will come, but I am still here. Still breathing. Still living. I have absolutely no idea what the future holds, but I have to allow myself time to heal, but more importantly, I have to allow myself to press forward.

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” – Maya Angelou

I have to love myself, love others, and be open to allowing people to love me. A divorce doesn’t mean that my life is over. It doesn’t mean that I will never be capable of being loved, having children, or finding true happiness in a relationship. A divorce means that this chapter of my life must be closed right now. And when one door closes… another door must open eventually. 

*Note: I know I rambled a lot in this post. This was one of the hardest posts that I have ever had to write. In sharing, I just ask that you are respectful if you choose to leave a comment below. Marriage + divorce are sensitive topics, especially if you are religious. Therefore, if you cannot say something respectfully, please refrain from leaving comments. 

If you would like to chat, or you are going through something yourself, please feel free to email me at hello@manifestyourself.com….. xo*

24 Comments

  1. I may not comment often due to my lack of being able to actually catch up but, I’ve been following you for awhile and to all of this, YOU ARE HUMAN. There is nothing other than that. You have feelings, you have loved, you have lost, you have been scared, and you have been happy. You’ll be okay darling. IN TIME! Someone told me yesterday as I go through my current madness, “its okay to cry, let it out, its cleansing to the soul.”

    8.15.14 ·
  2. Britton says:

    Kimberly, thank you for sharing what I KNOW is a very hard thing to go through. I went through a divorce 2012 and I know that you have your good days and your bad. You can be smiling one minute and a song, scent, or television show can strike a memory in you that will immediately get you to crying. I also know from experience that time does heal and it does take time to get through your loss. I say loss because divorce is in a way a loss. Praying and positive vibes for you.

    6.3.14 ·
  3. Yum Yucky says:

    Kimberly, I’m so sorry to hear this news. I pray the Lord will lift you up, giving you the comfort, care and guidance you need through this difficult time. I’m actually hurting in my chest and tearing up right now as I’m typing this. I wish you happiness. Always.

    5.30.14 ·
  4. Amber says:

    I commend you on sharing your truth with everyone, I know it took a lot of courage. Remember that you are loved, you are beautiful and you will get through it. Love you!

    5.30.14 ·
  5. Cassandre says:

    My heart aches for the emotional pain you’re going through. Know that you are so loved and appreciated. i know this can’t be easy but you are handling it better then I ever good. I’m here for you always and forever.. an you said it best, change is the only constant in this world. as you go through this, please do not repress how you feel. if you want to cry, cry, if you feel like smiling smile and if you want to sleep all day, sleep. it will take time but you will get through this.

    5.29.14 ·
  6. I am so sorry you are going through this. You are so strong and I know how horribly difficult it must have been to write this post – but thank you for being vulnerable and real. I know you are going through such a painful experience, but I’m certain there are wonderful things in your future. Thinking of you and sending hugs and love!!

    5.29.14 ·
  7. Kathia says:

    Eat Pray Love<–we have talked about this!!!! I know only great things will happen to you. You are an awesome person and you will find true love and happiness. And when it comes you will be so much wiser, happier and know exactly what you want. Happy that you took this step in writing about it. I am always here for you:)

    5.29.14 ·
  8. Dacia says:

    I recently went through a divorce and although I did choose to write about it on my blog I also opted to keep the details private. Even today, months later, I woke up wanting to write about it. Some days I have a ton of thoughts and emotions still hanging out and some days it feels so completely behind me that it saddens me that a decade-long relationship could disappear so quickly. I just wanted to let you know that I think you are brave and kind for sharing this post. I want to jump through the computer screen and give you a big hug. I hope you can find peace in knowing you are strong enough to weather this. The next door will open and behind it will be something amazing!

    5.29.14 ·
  9. You are so incredibly strong my friend. I’m so sorry that you are going through this right now and I hope that somehow your pain is being eased by friends and family.

    You are an incredible human being who is destined to find fulfillment in every aspect of your life. I wish you did not need to experience this but I’m absolutely certain that a beautiful and joy filled life is ahead.

    Putting this down in words was brave and honest and I for one thank you for sharing your humanity.

    I may be far but should you ever need to talk at any hour, call me. If you need a sunny CA vacation, come.

    I wish I had words to help you at all but know that you are in my heart.

    Sending you love!

    5.29.14 ·
  10. I just want to say that it was so good to see you last night and I am so sorry you are going through this. I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel. Just know that if you ever need someone to hang out with/get your mind off things, I’m just a text away! 🙂

    5.29.14 ·
  11. Tasha says:

    I’ve been there. God bless you, (((((HUGS)))))

    5.29.14 ·
  12. You are such a strong woman and I know you will get through this! I’m keeping you in my prayers! YOU GOT THIS GIRL!!!

    5.29.14 ·
  13. You are so brave for sharing your story and I know it will comfort and help so many other women out there going through something similar and trying to keep it together. That Maya quote could not be more perfect. Love conquers all and you know that we readers love us some you. ::hugs::

    5.29.14 ·
  14. Patty says:

    You are so eloquent in your words. I truly admire your strength during this difficult time and for sharing so openly. I’m here for you if you need a friend. Love you lots. Know that once the pain heals, there are many wonderful things out there in this world for you. You my friend deserve the very best. xoxo

    5.29.14 ·
  15. You are so strong and it was very brave of you to write this post today. Whatever happens in the future know that you are amazing, beautiful and like you said…things happen sometimes. Love you to pieces and you know I am always here for you.

    5.29.14 ·
  16. Carla says:

    I’ve definitely been where you are and walked in your shoes. If nothing else, I can assure you that YOU will be fine!! I was so consumed about what others would think. I got to a point where I didn’t care what others thought. They didn’t live my life, they didn’t know my highs or my struggles.

    Now don’t get me wrong….is it easy? nope. There are going to be bumps in the road but the great thing that I realized is that tomorrow is another day to start fresh and only YOU can decide how tomorrow starts and ends. Here’s hoping and wishing great tomorrows for you!!!

    Carla

    5.29.14 ·
  17. Carla says:

    You are in my prayers!

    5.29.14 ·

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